GRIEF COUNSELLING IN SINGAPORE

What is Grief?​​

Grief is a natural response to loss. It can be experienced after the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any significant change or loss in one's life. It is a complex emotion that can manifest in different ways and can take time to and heal from. For many people, the grieving process is one of the most painful experiences in their lives. 

 

Grief is a normal human emotion, yet it affects different individuals in various ways, including the time it takes to come to terms with the loss. It's not just limited to emotional responses but can also include physical, cognitive, and behavioural reactions. 

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Emotionally, grief can manifest as intense sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, numb or even relief. Physically, it can lead to fatigue, changes in appetite, headaches, digestive problems or sleep disturbances. Cognitively, grief can cause confusion, difficulty concentrating, or preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased or loss. Behaviourally, it may result in withdrawal from social activities or changes in daily routines.

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Grief is a highly individual process, and everyone experiences and copes with it differently. It's important to recognise that there's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it often takes time and support to navigate through the feelings and adjustments that come with loss.

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Stages of Grief / Loss

The stages of grief, as originally proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying," outlined a framework for understanding the emotional process individuals go through when facing significant loss. While this is a helpful framework to better understand the emotions one goes through during the grieving period, it's important to note that these stages are not necessarily experienced in a linear or predictable manner. Here are the stages:

 

Denial: Initially, there may be a sense of disbelief or denial of the reality of the loss. This can serve as a protective mechanism, allowing individuals to gradually take in the impact of the loss.

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Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, individuals may experience anger. This anger may be directed at themselves, at others, at a higher power, or even at the person who has died (if applicable). It's a normal reaction to feeling powerless and overwhelmed.

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Bargaining: This stage involves a desire to negotiate or bargain in an attempt to reverse or postpone the loss. It often involves thoughts like "If only..." or "What if...". It's a way of trying to regain control or find a way to make sense of the loss.

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Despair: Sadness and regret over the loss may lead to feelings of deep sadness and despair. This stage is characterised by withdrawal, crying spells, and a sense of emptiness. It's a natural response to the magnitude of the loss.

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Acceptance: Over time, individuals begin to come to terms with the reality of the loss. This doesn't necessarily mean feeling okay or happy about the loss but rather finding a way to live with it. Acceptance involves adjusting to a new reality and finding ways to move forward with life.

 

What can I do if I am Going Through a Period of Grief and Loss?

Going through grief and loss is a normal human experience and it is helpful to slow down and allow oneself to process the pain of the loss. Here are some self-help tips that would be helpful if you are going through the pain of loss.​

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, whether it's sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief. It's normal to experience a range of emotions during grief.

• Reach Out for Support: Don't hesitate to lean on friends, family members, or support groups. Talking about your feelings with others who care about you can provide comfort and validation.

• Take Care of Yourself: Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Try to maintain a healthy routine by eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, and engaging in gentle exercise if possible.

• Give Yourself Time: Healing from grief takes time, and it's different for everyone. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.

• Express Yourself: Find healthy ways to express your feelings, such as journaling, creating art, listening to music, or participating in activities that bring you comfort.

• Create Rituals or Memorials: Honouring the memory of your loved one can be comforting. Consider creating a ritual, such as lighting a candle, planting a tree, or sharing stories and memories with others.

 

When should I Seek Counselling for my Grief? ​

Experiencing pain from grief and loss is a normal part of the human experience. If the symptoms of grief persist, professional help may be needed. 

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Situations in which professional help is required: 

• Feeling at risk of hurting yourself or others

• Being unable to attend to your basic needs, or the basic needs of others dependant on you (ie; your children) 

• If you feel like your ways of coping are hurting you, in the form of drug use and self-harm 

• If you feel like your grief process has not changed after what you consider a reasonable amount of time. 

• If you're struggling with intense feelings of guilt, anger, resentment, or other complicated emotions related to the loss.

• If your current grief triggers unresolved issues related to past trauma or losses, a therapist can help you process these complex emotions and experiences.