Navigating a relationship when you are experiencing Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be a long and emotional journey. Whether you’re trying to pinpoint your triggers, or find the most effective methods of communication to help you build and maintain healthy relationships with the people you love, it will take time and patience. Complex PTSD (c-PTSD) can present numerous challenges, but there is absolutely no shame in reaching out for additional support, or learning how to manage your emotions in a healthy way. With this in mind, consider some of the following ideas to help you mindfully manage relationships alongside c-PTSD.
The Definition and Symptoms of Complex PTSD
While PTSD is usually caused by a single traumatic event, c-PTSD is usually caused by multiple, long-lasting, repeated or continuous traumas
C-PTSD happens when a person experiences PTSD symptoms alongside other additional symptoms, which include:
-anger towards others and the world
-often experiencing dissociative symptoms such as depersonalisation or derealisation
-constant feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
-troubles controlling emotions
-nobody else comprehending what happened
-feelings of worthlessness
-feeling different to everyone else
-stomach pains, headaches, chest pains
-suicidal thoughts
-difficulties navigating relationships
These symptoms need to be carefully navigated by both the person and the loved ones who surround them on a regular basis. With the correct support and professional methods people with c-PTSD can still live content, positive and fulfilled lives with meaningful, long-term relationships.
How Complex PTSD Shows Up in Relationships
C-PTSD can completely change the way in which an individual views the world. Being involved in a life changing event is traumatic and will stick with them for the rest of their life. The type of trauma may cause different reactions such as certain emotions, triggers, behaviours, sleep issues and hypervigilance, all of which causes them to feel unsafe.
With a compromised sense of safety, those with c-PTSD can often have trouble trusting those who are closest to them, or even forming intimate relationships again. Those who love them the most have the ability to trigger their biggest fears, which is why navigating relationships with c-PTSD is such an intricate and delicate subject matter.
Many c-PTSD sufferers will push themselves away, create distance, blame the other person, get angry, shut down completely or feel confused by certain behaviours. If this type of reaction is left without any checks, it can become an unhealthy pattern which is difficult to reverse. This is why communication is key when it comes to navigating relationships with c-PTSD.
Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones about Complex PTSD
If you are navigating c-PTSD, there is no black and white way to approach communication with those closest to you.
Be as open and honest as you are comfortable with, and never feel forced to relive traumas that are too painful to talk about. Explain as much as possible which helps them to understand why you might be feeling a certain way during specific times. Talk about your triggers and why they might be upsetting to you, and how others can help you during these emotionally challenging moments.
Setting Boundaries and Managing Triggers in Relationships
You are in complete control of your own boundaries and talking about your triggers with your loved ones. When you decide that the time is right to open up to someone you love, make sure you create a situation that feels as comfortable as possible to you. Find your happy, safe place and carry out the conversation there to make things a little easier on you.
Talk about some of your coping mechanisms and triggers and how they might be able to support you. Try to create a level of understanding and be open to answering any questions they might have.
Most of all, talk about how your PTSD might have an impact on your relationship, and what they can do to support you as you start your recovery.
You should never feel judged or shamed when you’re communicating with your loved ones about your PTSD symptoms. Above all, you deserve compassion, empathy, support and empowerment to move forward and strengthen the relationships with those you love.
Supporting a Partner with Complex PTSD
If you’re currently supporting a partner with complex PTSD, there are numerous methods which can help you to make them feel safe, heard and reassured.
Listen and Show Respect - if your partner is in the mood to talk to you, always offer them a listening ear. Show them respect as they voice their feelings and concerns and don’t ever mock or make fun of them. Respect their emotions and give them advice only if they ask for it.
Offer Stability and Structure - create a sense of predictability with the things that you do, activities you enjoy and the way you react to things. Try to maintain stability and offer a structured environment that supports your partner’s needs. Routines such as going for a walk at the same time everyday can really help people with complex PTSD.
Recognise Triggers - be acutely aware of what can trigger certain reactions and behaviours in your partner and try to minimise them as much as possible.
Be Patient - be accepting of your partner's emotions and find healthy ways to manage your own mental health. If you’re working through professional methods, give it time and put in the work as often as you can.
Encourage Professional Treatment - reach out to a professional trauma therapist who may be able to provide you with tools and strategies to form stronger and healthier relationships. Communicate this with your partner and talk to them about the advantages of gaining professional treatment.
Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy in Relationships with Complex PTSD
Consistency
Consistency is the key to rebuilding trust and intimacy in relationships with complex PTSD. Providing reliable, steady and consistent interactions with the other person will gradually help to rebuild trust levels. You want your partner to feel a sense of stability and predictability from you; working on this will help to create a strong foundation for close relationships and intimacy.
Emotional Regulation
Practising emotional regulation can help to manage triggers and create healthier coping strategies together. From deep breathing, to grounding exercises, these methods can help to smooth out the emotional ups and downs within the relationship.
Repair
If you’re trying to mend a fractured relationship, then focus needs to go towards relational repair. This will involve a healthy amount of communicating, which will guide towards a resolution.
Security
Helping one another to feel secure and finding healthy attachment dynamics can help to create a secure and well-connected relationship.
Openness and Vulnerability
When you have the ability to be open and honest it can bring a relationship together and create an authentic connection built on strength, trust and transparency.
Seeking Out Help for Your PTSD
If you or your partner is experiencing symptoms of c-PTSD, you may want to look into a reputable trauma therapy programme. This will not only help you to navigate the intricacies of c-PTSD, but it will also delve deeper into your mental health struggles so that others around you are able to support you. With a kind and compassionate trauma therapist in your corner, you can find ways to work through your c-PTSD so that you can feel stronger and more in control of your emotions. When your loved ones understand how PTSD affects you on a daily basis, they will be able to focus on methods to help you feel positive, supported and comfortable in every situation.
Hopefully, all of the thoughts mentioned above provide you with some insight into how to talk to loved ones about your PTSD, how to actively help someone with PTSD and how to nurture a healthy and communicative relationship no matter what your previous traumas may be.
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